3 steps to grow stronger post-recovery

While everyone needs to go through periods of self-development sooner or later in their lives to grow and expand - growing together is the most powerful springboard for growth and enlightenment. 

When we grow with our soulmate, we kill our old vain self. 

We are no longer a sole, isolated entity focused on our needs, our insecurities, imperfections and so forth. Our focus and purpose becomes intertwined with our soulmate; supporting their needs, desires and dreams. Helping each other to grow and become a better human being in this world. 

While this may all sound very nice on paper - change is always painful.

Yet nothing is constant but change. We can either embrace it, or hold on to our set ways and narrow views and experience pain, that will lead to self-destructive habits, as we will fall prey to things that can temporarily numb us out from the constant nudge to change and grow, which we insist on resisting like a 5-year old throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the candy aisle.

Either you grow together or you grow apart.

The latter leaves room for you discovering who you really are and what you really need and have to offer in this world, so you will recognize it when you see it. The former encourages spiritual growth beyond comparison to any isolated form of spiritual practice. When we engage in regular isolated types of spiritual practice - which is no doubt needed to balance us daily and help us jog through life rather than stumble through it - we are safe, we feel safe, we gain stability and balance with time. Yet there is very little insecurity, factors which we cannot control. Even-though it may FEEL uncomfortable to focus on one thing, as is the definition of meditation. Fact is, we are in a safe controlled environment, which we can stay in or leave anytime WE WANT TO. We are in control, and we can choose to let go and then take it back - everything is still within our sole control. 

Our naked truth.

When we connect with another being, exposing our true selves, we are forced to accept that which we cannot control - other people. Exposing ourselves as we are is ultimately the biggest fear factor for most of us. Also why it is so difficult for people to open up, commit and let other people love them in spite of who we are. Because most of us, who have some self-reflection and insight, will at some point have looked in the mirror and thought something along the lines of “who could ever love someone this messed up... goodness gracious”. Most of us have gone through phases, where the person we were at that point in time, did not resonate with who we wanted to be (and already were on a soul level, the issue being that our behavior and actions did not match up). Stages where we did things to numb out from the chaotic, unpredictability that is life.

Many of us want something more. 

Yet we just don’t know what it is that we want. Something that will fulfill the sense of void in our life, the sense of insatiable hunger at a soul level. 

If we don’t know what we want, how will we be able to recognize it?

Everything is made up of different energies and energies attract like. Ever heard the saying “misery loves company”? Well, negativity tends to expand and attract similarity. So instead of feeling disappointed in life, and that we are a victim of bad luck, we should consider changing our mindset - our perception and focus. This will in turn change our energy and draw in a completely different range of people, opportunities etc.

Mastering some simple steps that enables us to be more flexible as humans, will help us to be present and adapt to the changes that inevitably occur in every relationship, and which, if healthy, will help us to become better beings.

3 THINGS TO KICKSTART CHANGE NOW... whatever you want.

1. CHANGE YOUR BELIEF-SYSTEM: Start a gratitude journal - every morning write down one thing you are grateful for

2. DEVELOP SELF-DISCIPLINE: Start EVERY morning - absolutely no excuses - with 5 minutes meditation. This simple habit of showing consistency and commitment in one small area of your life, gradually rewires your brain-reward system, so that you can transfer this mindfulness and ability to be in the moment to other aspects of your life. The deal-breaker here is CONSISTENCY - 5 minutes is all it takes. If you can’t commit to that, ask yourself if you are ready for change now. Change takes commitment, consistency and the ability to accept small steps, rather than big overnight unsustainable changes.

3. DO ONE THING EVERY DAY THAT SCARES YOU: Say hello to someone, give someone a compliment without paying attention to the outcome (will he/she like me etc.), try a new class, buy a strange-looking vegetable, apply for a job, go to a restaurant and enjoy your own company without using iphone to distract, ask for a raise, start your own business, do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone every day, as small as it may be, Just DO IT. You need to deal with fear of failure, not being good enough etc. on a daily basis to move faster and grow stronger. The more we resist putting ourselves in positions where we risk rejection, the stronger the fear holds us down and prevents us from moving. Even just applying for jobs or things we may not want, is a great way to build up resistance and tolerance to the outcome (attachment), yet remaining active in our movement and growing according to feedback.

We need feedback... and to hear it... to grow.

Ignoring it or getting stuck in defensive mode, keeps us on an amoebae level. The more we fear something, the more we need to do it. Our greatest fears are often clear indicators of where our biggest growth will occur.

However, rather than jumping in head over heels, stick your toes in and practice smaller things, so you don’t drown, but learn how to swim and keep your head over water.